The audacity of parents is astounding! Reflecting on my parenting skills today and am noting to myself how badass I really am. I’m shocked at myself! I thought so many times of the things I thought I messed up on that I forgot the more important lessons, that are rather huge lessons, that an individual needs in life. Integrity.
Here’s my example. Every time I said something to my child, like, “the sky is blue! A lovely blue!” Well, my then husband would laugh and say, “no, it’s purple, that’s not blue!” Starting an argument, and I fell for it. Until I didn’t. In everything I said, he’d say the opposite. Also, another example. If he went somewhere with our child, he’d say, “don’t tell mom!” Upon arrival or later that day, a conversation would go like this, “did you have fun? How was everything?” The responses were, ”yes, but I can’t tell you.” Or “I don’t know” Or SILENCE. The silent response was the most common. Which would end up in an argument of, “why aren’t you talking to me?”
In those examples, my ex-husband was teaching my child to lie, and to lie to me, while simultaneously discrediting and devaluing me as Mom. Why am I writing about this? Well, those examples were lived for 15 years. And re-experienced yesterday, July 12, 2022, with my grandchildren. My Ex-husband sent a text, “am in town & have the grandchildren for a few days if you want to see them.” Well, first off, that man does nothing whatsoever to be a benefit regarding me in Anything, ANY THING. Secondly, my adult-child made a decision not to have me in her life. Thirdly, it was also a manner of bragging, to throw salt on my wound (being w/o them & her), and say he was having that quality time with them. Well, that didn’t go over well with me, not one bit. I called her and told on him! Per usual she hung up on me, but she went off on him! 😂😂😂 Well, I made my own decision regarding things of this nature, allowing them to continue in my life’s steps is a Big Fat No. Therefore, my immediate response was No. No, I’m not teaching my grandchildren to lie, no I’m not showing them how to betray their mom, no I’m not participating in the devaluing or discrediting of her authority as their mom. No!
That event from yesterday has led me to write this article today. How many parents are teaching their children integrity character FLAWS? That’s a Hypocritical question. Integrity and Integral Character Flaws can’t coexist. Either a person walks in integrity, or they don’t. I now see how I fell prey to the many arguments which did cause me to appear as the person with the issue due to my reaction at the time, when I was married. However, my stance, point and purpose then was correct. With that, me being able to have the same stance, point and purpose for my grandchildren is awesomeness except this time I didn’t have a meltdown in the hurtfulness that comes with the parental hypocrisy. This did open my eyes to something much bigger though.
Let’s see who actually walks in integrity. Which parents goes with their children anywhere and says, “don’t tell mom/dad.” Because you know you’re doing something you know you’re not supposed to be doing and then your children (later on) do something similar, and you discipline them as if they are a problem child. Or the parent disciplines their child acting like they are clueless as to why their children behave in certain manners, such as disrespecting authorities. That’s so wrong! Parental Hypocrisy teaches a child to be resentful, jealous, vindictive and even self-harming because they are watching the adults' behaviors and being negatively disciplined for doing what they are being taught.
There is also the surprise factor. What about when you are doing something for your spouse or partner? A surprise, and you take the children with you shopping and planning for the surprise event. How do you explain not telling the other parent about the surprise? Easily, you say it’s a surprise and only use positive feedback when explaining and explain how this cannot be confused with lying.
Undermining Authority is the bottom line, explaining this type of parenting, which leads to chaotic situations and behaviors for the children, parents, schools, community, businesses and local, state and federal government. How could all of those areas be affected? By a hypocritical parent who raises a child(ren) to lie in anything in order to cover oneself without regard to the repercussions. If there’s one, there’s another and another and then it’s a cycle and that cycle is a generation and that can become generational, as we currently are witnessing! This leads me to our society, today.
It’s this generation which seems to think integrity is a character of the past, something for the history books to mildly mention and is disregarded by them. Seeing how easily this character was implemented (in hindsight) also reveals a necessary question for the leadership above the current generation. Are those leaders practicing integrity? Integrity is the KEY ELEMENT of Law.
That paragraph brings me to another current situation I’m enduring, which involves integrity in local government, traffic tickets. The persons making false reports on people’s record should have extreme consequences because their actions cause an entire department to be questioned, and if the department is part of a community, city or state, the aforementioned must be questioned in all their legal practices, hiring practices, procedures and work ethics. This follows through to our society as a whole.
How’s your Parental Hypocrisy Rating? How has it contributed to society, today?
I conclude todays article with this: Our children watch us more than they listen to us, what are you teaching them by your actions?